Keeping ritual to attune to the Sacred Fire within my Being very rarely comes with difficulty, but , these last few days, I felt no desire whatsoever to utilize Sacred Fire mantras. Initially, this didn’t alarm me so much, as there are often times I feel compelled to sit in silence. But the last couple days… well, even the silence seemed elusive.
I honor the various ways that my heart desires to connect to Source. I often use mantra, decree, chant, movement, and even silence. However, achieving a quiet mind to sink into the center of Silence never seemed so arduous as it did this particular morning.
My limbs felt like lead heading toward the meditation room. A dull headache had turned into a cap of sharp points around my skull. I was uninspired to even light my candles. I was not compelled to move, to speak, so I sat in the Silence. But, even this simple act became a chore.
A storm swirled in my mind. Tumultuous winds of doubt blew through the cracks of despair I didn’t realize I carried. Like a rattling house in the wake of a storm, none of my efforts seemed to quiet the howling noise.
Then, after determined insistence to achieve at least a sliver of peace in my meditation…
I had made it to the eye of the storm, but I was stripped – stripped of not only the rattling noise I pushed to master, but also stripped of the nourishing Peace I normally feel when I settle into my center. I felt a disconnection from my Presence, from Source.
Where was the warm glow of Grace that I sink into? Why haven’t I swelled with Gratitude as I bask in the internal sun of my heart? What is this Great Nothing all around me?
I felt nothing. No thing. No gratitude, no love, no peace, no fear, nothing. Only emptiness. Feeling drained, I considered this successful quieting-of-my-mind enough application for the day.
Lingering in this strange, cold center offered no replenishment to my weariness, so I began to direct my attention toward my surroundings. Then, a nano-second before I open my eyes …
An image of an old floppy disk dropped into my mind, and I could hear the spinning of the system reconfiguring the disk –
A infinitesimal glow of gratitude flickered within me for the image, and I directed my attention back to my surroundings. I did not feel nourished like I normally do after a meditation; rather, I felt even more tired.
I crawled up onto the daybed and simply succumbed to my desire to recline, clinging onto the quiet in my mind. My headache caused a sonic ringing in my ears, echoing down the rest of my body. I sensed a giant magnet scanning me, sounding like light-sabers coming into contact with one another.
I surrendered to the process happening around me and I fell into a light sleep.
Nearly an hour had passed while I lay on the bed, but I woke much more refreshed than I had after ending my meditation. Though I trust the process, I hope the reformatting has not left me without “vital programming.” Curious as to what “formatting” a disk actually means, I fond the following from Wikipedia:
Disk formatting is the process of preparing a data storage device such as a hard disk drive, solid-state drive, floppy disk or USB flash drive for initial use. In some cases, the formatting operation may also create one or more new file systems. The first part of the formatting process that performs basic medium preparation is often referred to as “low-level formatting”.Partitioning is the common term for the second part of the process, making the data storage device visible to an operating system. The third part of the process, usually termed “high-level formatting” most often refers to the process of generating a new file system. In some operating systems all or parts of these three processes can be combined or repeated at different levels and the term “format” is understood to mean an operation in which a new disk medium is fully prepared to store files. Some formatting utilities allow distinguishing between a quick format, which does not erase all existing data and a long option that does erase all existing data.
This one from diskpart.com is a little simpler:
Formatting a hard drive is a process of wiping its partition table and unlinks all the data in the file system. It also sets up a new file system to use with certain applications or operating systems. Although all the data seems to be deleted already, it just becomes invisible and can be recovered easily with a certain data recovery program.
Without skipping a beat, my Presence acknowledged my difficulty with Wisdom and Grace.
This manner of divine communication encapsulates the powerful language of our Soul, and I am ever so grateful for the conveyance. Sometimes, it only takes one word to lift us out of our confusion and to help ease the continuing process of growth.
Yesterday, my headache and lethargy had returned, but much more diminished than the previous day. I again experienced these strange “reformatting” energies move through me, but I decided to cooperate with the process by incorporating some decrees and visualizations while I reclined. Later that afternoon, a friend sent me a Dr. Peebles message suggesting that today (February 17th) we would experience an “Awesome Energy Surge.”
I feel so blessed to receive these synchronicities of validation; they truly remind me that we – those who make dedicated efforts to spiritually evolve – are always experiencing just exactly what we need, when we need it.
Today, I am nearly back to my normal level of balance, and the Flame of Gratitude once again glows within my heart! This strange experience gifts me another epiphany upon which to draw when connecting with others. And now, I have an image to help me trust the process in “upgrading” through my spiritual evolution. Best of all, after several days without a desire to play my bowls, I felt inspired to chant with them and discovered a silky power in my voice I had not heard before!
So, if you find yourself struggling in your personal spiritual practice, if you find yourself out-of-sorts, perhaps you may be undergoing a REFORMATTING of your system. I look forward to discovering all the new “upgrades” my Presence has waiting for me, and I am sure there are many new upgrades that await you too!
Trust in the process! We have a lot going on around us, within us that we don’t always sense. Don’t overanalyze your inability to be at peak performance any given moment; there is an ebb and flow to our personal growth. Honor the various ways you enjoy connecting with your Presence. Rest when you really need it. And, if you should land in the center of a vacant place within you, remember that this is a space just waiting to be filled with your Grace.
If you, too, have been experiencing “Ascension Symptoms,” hopefully the message from my Presence will help you. Remember the floppy disk and how it spins inside the hard drive? Utilize this image!
This quantum REFORMATTING is an opportunity to really delete – once and for all – the junk files that no longer serve your growth.
Imagine the centrifugal force of that storm lifting all that debris to the surface and landing you in your center. Imagine that giant magnet cleaning your disk free of all those “useless files” to make room for all the new configurations.
Cooperate with the process. Augment these visualizations with some simple decrees, perhaps:
“Mighty I AM, delete all junk files that inhibit my ultimate purpose.”
Doing this will facilitate the REFORMATTING into a more efficient and stream-lined connection with your Divine Nature.
And maybe, just maybe, you’ll find an “upgrade” waiting for you!
In service and dedication to the Sacred Fire, the Source Flame connecting us all…